You've given birth
to an 8-pound baby (congrats!). You've spent months recovering from
swelling and possibly a painful episiotomy, while trying to make sense
of why pee escapes your body every time you laugh. Oh, and you're still
breastfeeding and leaking milk every 10 minutes. And now it's time to
get finally have sex with your partner again after what seems like a lifetime of celibacy. Doesn't exactly rev up your libido, does it?
If the thought of sex after childbirth terrifies you, don't be scared, but do
know that it can be...different. The more you know about what to
expect, thought, the easier it is to get past this stage and get back
into the swing of sexy things. (I swear — it gets better!!)
1. Old Foreplay Moves May Not Work for a Few Months
If you're a woman who loved having her breasts fondled, nipples sucked, and intense finger or vibrator stimulation
during foreplay, you may find what used to turn you on isn't going to
cut it right after childbirth. Your vagina may still feel sensitive and
achy to the touch, making forceful penetration too uncomfortable to feel
pleasurable. If you're breastfeeding,
your nipples may feel raw or you may have a hard time appreciating your
partner's sexy way of licking your breasts after your infant's hard
suckling. Instead of lamenting the loss of old foreplay moves (which you
can bring back in just a few months), look at this as an opportunity to
try something new — oral sex is especially welcome, because it's a gentler way to bring you to orgasm and prep you for intercourse.
2. Lube Is Your New Best Friend
Speaking of intercourse: Do yourself a favor and don't even think of trying it without lubrication. Even if you're the type who never needed lube, the hormonal changes
your body experiences after childbirth and while nursing can limit the
amount of natural lubrication you produce. It's nothing to be ashamed of
— and neither is using lube to make sex more pleasurable.
3. Missionary Or Bust
It's
difficult enough to imagine climbing on top of your partner and
inserting a penis into your poor vagina after all it's been through. But
doggy style? Reverse cowgirl? Ha, very funny. As boring as it may be, I'm convinced the first couple who tried missionary
had just given birth. This position makes you feel like you have more
control over the speed and intensity of penetration so that you can take
your time and ease back into other positions.
4. Your Vagina Will Either Feel Too Tight or Too Loose
My
husband swore my vagina didn't feel different the first time we had sex
after I gave birth to my daughter. It's possible he was so over the
moon about finally having sex that he truly believed that, but my
perspective was different: I felt a trap-door shut in a way that wasn't
at all pleasurable. In fact, I remember wondering whether my doctor had
accidentally sewn my entire vagina shut during my episiotomy. Other
women I've spoken to have complained that their vaginas felt so loose
they couldn't feel the full impact of their partner's penis. Both
experiences are normal and both can be resolved within a few months (Kegels are annoying, but effective!).
5. You Can't Shake the Feeling That You're Somebody's Mother
I
feel like we live in a society that still isn't 100 percent comfortable
viewing mothers as sexual beings. Many women grew up absorbing the
silly and inaccurate message that a woman can either be a maternal
madonna or a sex-loving "whore," but that mothers should be too consumed
with their newfound duties as providers to give into their sexual
desires. You can't be blamed, then, for finding it difficult to view
yourself as both a mom and a sexy woman who desires sex — but the sooner
you shake those thoughts and make peace with the fact that you are not a
two-dimensional cardboard cutout, the happier you'll be and the better
your post-baby sex life will become.
6. You'll Stop and Start a Few Hundred Times
The
first few times you have postpartum sex, expect interruptions — lots of
them. Your vagina may feel so tight that penetration hurts, so you'll
stop and add more lube before trying again. Your infant may begin
whimpering in the nursery and you'll realize it's time for a feeding.
You may fall asleep while giving your partner a blow job
— or total exhaustion may cause him to lose his erection. If you go
into sex knowing it probably won't flow all nice and prettily, you'll be
more likely to accept these interruptions as par for the course.
7. You May Be Distracted By Your Changing Body
The
brain can cause the biggest mindfucks of all! Sure, your partner finds
you sexy and desirable, but if you're so focused on your softer belly,
thighs, and breasts, it can be impossible to get past these negative
thoughts and enjoy the incredible pleasure you can get from your body. I
felt insecure about my body after childbirth,
but made an effort to think of the curves I had never had in a healthy
way that made sex hotter. Without TMI, there were new sex acts that I
could only do now with my larger, post-baby breasts. And changing the
way I thought about my more rounded hips to include mental images of
1940s starlets made me realize how narrow my perception of beauty was.
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