15 Hot Sex Tips for Women to Use on Women

Maybe you do this all the time. Maybe you've never done anything like this. Maybe you're wondering if you should try it. (You should.) Regardless of your specifics, here are some things to keep in mind if you're a woman getting it on with another woman.

1. What works for you might not work for her. Use the same parts of your brain that you use for holiday gift-giving. Don't just get her what you would want. Give her the gift of recognizing that everyone is different; be willing to listen and learn what works for her.

2. No one ever died from having her ass grabbed during a sexual encounter.

3. To strap-on, or strap-off? You do not ever need a strap-on to have sex with a lady. You also don't ever need guacamole on your nachos. But are you honestly telling me you NEVER want to put some guac on them? If you do decide to go for "the works," get a harness that provides you with ample motion control.

4. Nipples. Nipples are one of the most underappreciated erogenous areas, especially if you are no longer doing the majority of your sexy things in the backseats of cars. Squeeze, pinch, lick, and bite (to your person's level of "bitesfaction") her nipples. Some women who really love this may have even forgotten that they love this. Nipples are retro-chic.

5. Give feedback like a speaker at a punk show. This isn't the kind of chit-chat that will kill the mood. Nor is it selfish or bossy to be specific. What could be less selfish than assisting someone with their goals? Please remember that feedback can be made of words, sounds, movements, or even drawings, should they be necessary.

6. Tell her how amazing she smells. Because it's true.

7. Don't tell her how amazing she tastes. Show her how amazing she tastes. This can be achieved by putting your finger(s) in your mouth after you touch her. Or, as any chef will tell you, the best way to compliment a meal is to lick your plate clean.

8. Multitask. If your mouth is busy working on one thing, like, say, a vulva, that doesn't give your fingers an excuse to slack off. They want to get in on the action. So let them graze, survey, and delve into different areas, while you continue your oral presentation.

9. Say her name. Say her name. It wasn't a Destiny's Child song for nothing.

10. Just have fun out there. You have to remember to enjoy what you're doing. Don't get distracted by mechanics. (Unless you're currently having sex with the woman who was replacing your carburetor.) Whether you don't feel totally confident or you are a sex wizard, it's good to remember to be present. Relax and relish it.

11. Don't let the heat of the moment burn you. Intense yelps and moans when someone is almost there might tempt you to intensify whatever you're doing. It's great that everyone is so excited. But — especially right before someone is about to come — keep doing exactly what you were doing. EXACTLY. Just imagine how disturbed you'd be if someone was throwing an Ugly Sweater Party and right before you got there, they changed the theme to Great Gatsby.

12. Kiss the girl. Sebastian from The Little Mermaid might have been just a delicious-looking cartoon crab, but he had a valid point. Don't get so caught up in your head, or her body, that you forget to kiss her like you mean it.

13. As always, be safe. But you knew that already, right? Use gloves for any sort of for handiwork and dental dams for oral sex. You can make your own dental dam by cutting off the tip of a condom and cutting it open. (Plan ahead: this craft project is not a great date idea.) Use condoms for any shared sex toys, or follow the package/sex shop cleaning instructions because they're based on the toy's material. Use lube with all of these barriers for the sake of a good time and — as Ina Garten might say — invest in "good" lube. Don't forget to directly ask, in your most sultry voice, when your partner was last tested for STIs. It's not an awkward question. Most people will be turned on by your responsible regard for your/their health. Those who aren't don't deserve you or your lube.

14. Use all of your tools. When deploying your mouth remember that it contains a tongue, lips, teeth, and those things all have multiple surfaces. Your mouth is basically a Swiss Army knife, so utilize it. Suck on the clitoris or its hood, lick the surrounding area, apply pressure to the vulva with your lips, dip the tip of your tongue into the vaginal opening, or use it to ask if whatever you're currently doing feels okay.

15. Be passionate. This is less of a tip and more of a requirement for fruitful sexual encounters. Consider what excites you when you're not having sex. Look for ways to apply those passions sexually. Odds are whomever you thought of while reading this article is a great place to start.

10 Tips For Surviving Your First Sex Party

Not being on theme is drastically more noticeable at a sex party.

rgies are intimidating, and you're definitely going to have a lot of, um, new experiences the first time you go to one. Don't let that scare you off! Here are 10 ways to seem like sex parties are so old hat for you.

1. Get new underwear. Buy it, borrow it, or make it out of yarn and a clutch purse. You need to walk into that place feeling confident and every little bit helps — even the little bit that covers your littlest bits.

2. Do your research. Talk to people who have gone to the party before and ask specific questions. Scout it out online. In most metropolitan areas, there are sex parties for people who identify in many different ways. You might have to discuss something you don't normally discuss with a friend, an acquaintance, your local sex shop employee, or even a stranger. But if you're not willing to put yourself out there with your clothes ON, a sex party probably is not going to work out for you.

3. Follow the rules. The first rule of sex party is go to a sex party with rules. Any sex party worth your time will have rules that particularly involving safety and consent — namely that both are a must. They might have other less critical rules about where you can store your belongings, whether you must check items of clothing before entering, or even suggested costumes — it's good to adhere to those regulations as well. Not being on theme is drastically more noticeable at a sex party. Remember when you didn't wear green on St. Patrick's Day? In this case "green" is "pants."

4. Bring a friend. Or bring two, or ten. It is a party after all. If you don't feel comfortable rolling into the sextravaganza with a minivan's worth of pals, shoot for just one other person. Some parties even require you to bring someone to help promote responsibility, which just confirms the fact that the buddy system will never stop being relevant to your life. Even if they don't require it, having a friend to talk to can help ease you into this new environment. If you don't have one, make one in line to get inside! Remember this is a sex party, not the U.S. Women's Soccer Team: there is no hope solo.

5. Be open-minded. That doesn't mean do something that makes you feel unsafe. In fact, you don't have to do anything at all. Some people go to sex parties just to watch and that is totally cool with everyone. However, don't let your inhibitions cause you to judge others or to limit your experience either. Check your reservations where you probably were asked to check your pants, at the door.

6. Speak up. Talk to people — it's the best way to meet more of them. Don't be shy about telling them it's your first time at this type of party; it's a great ice-breaker. Either it's their first time too and you can bond over that, or they're a sex party veteran with tons of information to share. Win-win. Also, if you don't like something someone is saying — or doing — absolutely speak up then as well. Talking is truly the unsung hero of the sex party, so please verbally sexpress yourself.

7. Make the first move. You may not be used to being forward, but you're most likely going to have to do it. What's great about a safe, rules-having sex party is nothing will happen that you don't make happen. So, make it happen.

8. Choose your footwear wisely. Sure, you want to look good. Just remember you might not be wearing any pants. Pick shoes that flatter a clothing-free look and protect you from questionable floors.

9. Be careful in hallways. If your body is not covered with clothing, certain parts might protrude. The same goes for others. Pass with caution.

10. LOL, literally. Don't be afraid to crack a smile or a joke. Sometimes a "sexy" atmosphere can leave people stiff. Relax, enjoy yourself, and have a laugh. It should be pretty easy to do so. Most parties are BYOB or serve alcohol, so there's plenty of social lubricant. Also, it's a sex party so there's plenty of actual lubricant. Once you make that killer joke about lube, things will probably go pretty smoothly.

11 Anal Foreplay Tips for Beginners

So you're not ready for full-on anal sex. Here are some warm-up exercises. Like stretching before the big game! Because #sports!

I am about to say something unpleasant but important: The first time you have a finger in your ass, it feels like you have a finger in your ass. What did you think it would feel like?

Actually, the first five, 10, possibly 20 times, it feels like you have a finger in your ass. But at a certain point, if everything goes right, it'll feel like you have a finger in your ass accompanied by a spontaneous enhanced ~~**~~uNiCoRn oRgAsM~~**~~. It's hard to know, because everybody's different, and that includes each butthole-fingerer's individual skill. "So many women have bad first-time experiences and never want to do it again. Some guy shoved it in without preparing for the action," explains sexpert Dr. Emily Morse.

If you're dating a sexually ass-centric person, rather than a breast or leg or foot or right earlobe person, they'll probably want to give you many #ButtholePleasures. A good way to tell if you're dating someone ass-centric is if they request belfies, always want to have sex doggy-style, or try repeatedly to touch your asshole. You should never, ever do something you vehemently don't want to do just because your partner wants to, and if you're not ready for full-on anal sex, tell them.

But (BUTT! Ugh, sorry), if you want to experiment in that general area, here are some things to know about Base Camp 1, which consists of the stepping stones to anal sex:Fingers (anal fingering) and tongue (rimming, salad tossing, analingus).

1. It shouldn't hurt. This is where lube comes in. It should basically just feel like you might need to poop. You don't! (I hope you don't.) "Relax your muscles, and breathe," advises Dr. Emily. "Use a lot of water-based lubricant."

2. Start small. The whole point of anal play is to keep it simple before working your way up. "To prepare a bottom for sex play, start with fingers, tongue, or a very small sex toy designed for butt play," says clinical sexologoist Dr. Nancy Sutton Pierce. "An option is to purchase a Butt Plug Kit that uses several plugs, of graduating sizes, just for this training."

3. The person doing it should err on the shallow side. Everything that goes in should be "just the tip." The nerve endings you're trying to stimulate are in the anus — hence the moniker "rimming" — and not all the way up there, which is generally the painful part and also the part that makes you feel like you need to take a huge dump. Imagine it like a basketball hoop, and the ball should just be rolling around the rim of the basket, not actually making the basket. Does that help? I know nothing about basketball.

4. There shouldn't be any rapid-fire movement immediately. Vigorous jamming of fingers anywhere should not happen immediately. "So much of sex is fast — especially in porn — but anal play has to be prepped," says Morse.

5. Communication is key. The only way to know what works and what doesn't is to be totally honest with you partner about what they're doing. Dr. Pierce stresses the importance of always being tuned in to how the other is feeling and being vocal about your preferences.

6. It's not dirty. As clinical sexologist Dr. Kat Van Kirk says, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think.

7. That being said, you can totally clean things up. The key to anal play is comfort, so do whatever you need to help with any lingering anxiety. "Using an anal douche is not harmful if only done once in awhile and might help you relax your concerns about your bowels," advises Dr. Pierce. You can use something as simple as warm water for a quick cleanse too.

8. It feels best when there's some additional stimulation going on. Vaginal, clitoral, nipple-centric — whichever feels best for you. While some women only need butt play à la carte, most women can't come from anal stimulation alone. "The anal part is something that's an accent. It adds to the overall experience," says Ian Kerner, sex expert, researcher, and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. (Incidentally, women who have had anal sex report more frequent orgasms than those who haven't.) That being said ...

9. Make sure your partner doesn't use the same butt finger in your vagina afterward.Why do you think The Shocker exists? Necessity is the mother of invention. "Baby wipes should be mandatory on every nightstand," says Morse.

10. If you try it a few times and hate it, don't keep trying it because you think it'll eventually be tolerable. "Assuming you have a considerate lover who's invested in you feeling good, I think you'd know within the first five times whether you like it or not," says Kerner, explaining that this depends on a variety of factors. "I've encountered women who hated receiving oral sex initially but love it now, and it was because they were self-conscious. It depends on your levels of inhibition, your feelings about your partner, your feelings about your body. If all these things are good to go, and you just don't like the sensation, you'll know pretty fast."

11. You don't need to get a wax. "Most women don't get Brazilians simply to engage in anal foreplay," says Kerner, based on his research. #Yep.

9 Must-Read Tips for First-Time Sex

No. 4 can change everything.

The first time you have sex with someone — or sex at all — is a deeply individual experience. “Sex” means different things and comes with different emotions from person to person (and from hookup to hookup, TBH). That said, there are a handful of insights that can make your first time having vaginal sex comfier, more communicative, and more pleasurable, which are pretty universally great things for sex to be. Here are nine first-time pointers, with advice from sex therapist Vanessa Marin

1. Being safe can actually relax you.

Nothing is more distracting than worrying about STIs and pregnancy during sex. Even if it feels awkward, it is so, so, so important to chat with your partner beforehand about what you’ll do to protect yourselves. Use a condom even if you’re on another form of birth control to protect you both from STIs unless you are both monogamous with each other and STI-free (check out local clinics like Planned Parenthood for free/affordable testing)..

2. Enthusiastic consent is a prerequisite for everything you do.

“Make sure you enthusiastically consent to each and every thing the two of you do together,” Marin says. “‘Enthusiastic’ is a key part of that sentence. Don't just go along with something; make sure you're excited about it.” Remember that just because you start an activity — for example, intercourse — you don’t have to finish or continue it: You have the right to pause or stop whatever it is. No. Matter. What. Same goes for your partner, of course: Check in with each other as things progress to make sure you’re both enthusiastic about what you’re doing.

3. Remember to breathe.

A big part of enjoying sex is focusing on the sensations you’re feeling instead of, for example, your nervousness (which is totally common to feel your first time, even if you know you’re ready to have sex). “Deep breathing is a fantastic way to let go of distracting thoughts,” Marin points out. As you’re taking those deep breaths, focus on how different parts of your body are feeling and how your partner’s body feels against yours — not just the obvious part (penis in vagina) but their fingers in your hair, hands on your hips, whatever it is.

4. Foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. Did I mention foreplay?

The more aroused you are, the better sex is likely to feel, so don’t neglect foreplay — including oral sex, manual sex, and, yes, good, old-fashioned kissing. “You're more likely to orgasm from oral sex or fingering,” Marin says, “so resist the temptation to think of these activities as the things you do before moving on to the ‘main event.’” Whether or not you do orgasm the first time you have sex, clitoral stimulation is the key to most women’s pleasure, and vaginal intercourse doesn’t usually provide very much of it.

5. Caring about your partner’s pleasure matters more than your technique.

It’s natural to worry that you won’t be “good” in bed your first time, but trust: what matters most is that you are invested in how your partner feels and vice versa, and that you two are communicating about it. "A lot of people get anxious about sexual performance, but perhaps the best quality in a lover is enthusiasm,” Marin says. “If you're genuinely enjoying pleasuring him, he'll notice it, and he'll have a lot more fun too." Simple questions like, “How does that feel?” and, “Do you like it when I [fill in the blank]?” give your partner a chance to express appreciation for what you’re doing or (gently) ask for something a little different. (As well as prompt them to ask you the same questions!)

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